I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
