just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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