Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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