It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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