u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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