it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
