i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
