How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
