Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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