I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
