ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
