I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
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Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
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Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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