I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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