I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
