You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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