i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
