I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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