smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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