i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
