no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
