i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
