He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
