Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
