Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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