Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
