My sheets look like a crime scene.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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