We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
