Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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