The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
