I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
