Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
