You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
