You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
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"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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