We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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