You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
