Operation Purity has been aborted
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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