bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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