i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
