if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You ruined the universe
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
