I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
