We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
