South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
