i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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