His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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