So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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