apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
