tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
