it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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