craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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