i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just gift wrapped bread.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
