I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
