Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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