before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
