I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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