my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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