i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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