Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
