Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
