I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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