I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
