Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize