On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize