So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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