I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
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What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
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So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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